You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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