4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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