I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize