so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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