can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
