I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
