you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize