Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
