Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She bit a glass in half.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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