she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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