Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
