We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
