I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
