sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
