oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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