I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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