So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
