while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
