Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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