A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
