u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
