Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
