sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
