He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
