Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
