Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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