i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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