so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize