Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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