I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
