glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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