No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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