Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
