Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
