Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
