My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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