and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
