Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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