Can Purell be used as lube?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
