I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
