since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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