i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
