God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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