Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize