i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
