he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
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