well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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