Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
