Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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