Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
