I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
