dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Randomize
