4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
