so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
