I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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