I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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