So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
