I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
