if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i've created a new STD.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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