My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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