chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
