u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm like, not good at living.
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