I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
