Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
