I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
