K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
