Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
