I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We are all done wearing pants today
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
