i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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