Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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