i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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