Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
