Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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