He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
