Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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