party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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