There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
