i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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