Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
