I wannas sexs uuuuu
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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