when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize