HIV tests are more positive than that guy
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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