Your face is a jimmy john
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
