bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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