they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
vagina is talking i cant
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
