If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
