i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
