my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
