You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
