you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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