Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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