It's Friday. Sex?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
