If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
