he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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