Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
