apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
this boner is exhausting
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
