anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
