Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
