I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
