Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
