How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
