I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize