I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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